An Oasis

1.31.13 Here we are again. Looking at my last post almost two years ago makes me jealous. I long to be back in that place of confusion and uncertainty of what the day would bring. Now, to be 100% honest (which is the point of writing on this blog again), my life is 100% boring and oh, so painfully predictable. -- I promise this post was not intentionally written to bring your mood down.

 I am revisiting this blog because I have decided I need an outlet. An unfiltered place with no expectations for my words. An oasis of sorts for my opinions to hang out with the other brilliant random ideas my brain creates. A place where I can put something "out there" and the reaction will not be for people to put me in the center of a prayer circle with greasy Chick-Fil-A hands all over my clothes, forehead, hair, and other body parts that usually are not touched on a daily basis, i.e. back of my elbow??

 --Not that I am some angry person full of harsh thoughts but I long for people to speak truthfully about reality. Or reallyyyy- just a place for people to listen to me talk truthfully/read about my life and the things I observe and decide I have an opinion about. Yes, I am completely aware of how selfish this is. Which is why I'm writing it all on a blog and not forcing my new friends strangers on MARTA to hear my employed,white, 24 year old girl problems- because in my book, that's an urban human rights offense.

 I'm sure most people do have this with best friends or family, but currently that for me looks like a trip to Australia, Spain, or hours in a car IF, and a big if, schedules line up just perfectly so that there is time for maybe 1/2 a cup of free trade, organic coffee at a local shop --because I totally don't walk around like an elitist with my reusable "Peace" bag from Whole Foods.

 Those of you who know me are saying, "Ummm wait, don't you have a fiance?" Yes, good people, I do indeed have an adorable, sweet, caring, and oh so patient-with-me-when-i-act-like-a-troll fiance. And this blog may exist partly to spare him from the abuse of getting the Erica that hasn't been able to freely express any thought or opinion all day (thanks corporate America!!!!!!) therefore creating a 2 hour verbal projectile vomit on him that he had no warning of. Yes, I shall try to spare him. It's kind of similar to making your ADHD kids run around the house for an hour before the babysitter you want to keep comes over.

 So, that is my introduction for -insert whatever is to come here-. My life currently looks like a boring mini series airing on Friday nights. I go to a corporate job (but I get to wear jeans every day so, hey!), read mom blogs and try to suppress my laughter(ONLY during my lunch break, of course and no, I have no kids), look for Jesus centered articles, blogs that will probably make me simultaneously roll my eyes and create a conviction of all sorts of American related habits and maybe shed a tear, talk (whisper) with my desk neighbor about our strong desire to work from home, check Instagram, FB, and Twitter incessantly, frequent the free gumball machine 20 feet from my desk, work on the same excel spreadsheet for 9+ hours, take MARTA to my station and then walk 2 miles home in highly unpredictable GA weather (the most exciting part of my day), read a YA fiction novel (young adult, duh) and eat a lot of pho. Because....pho is just the best. ever. And that is not a hyperbole.

 This is NOT how I pictured my life at 24 (reference all of the other posts I've written). At 24 I was supposed to be literally saving.the.world. If I wasn't busy praying for every injustice in the world I was going to be busy adopting every orphan, cleaning up every major disaster, and probably being the most awesome daughter there ever was and watching my family transform. And truth be told, a lot of days I am really disappointed in myself for allowing those dreams to become this reality. For my days to be so dry and devoid of me and my heart for all of those needs. And don't misunderstand, I am THANKFUL. I am THANKFUL for the man God is allowing me to spend my life with, I am THANKFUL for a job that allows me to pay my student loans, I am THANKFUL for progress with my family however slow it may be, and I am THANKFUL for endless opportunities ahead of me and a life full of hope and joy that does exist in my heart. But I cannot deny the last two years have not been my hardest, and that they have had an effect on my spirit and the things I pursue daily.

 Hopefully this blog will start looking a lot more like the ones I used to write. So, if you made it this far, please tell me because you deserve a big bowl of pho, or at least a baked good.

Current Events

Back to the google blog. I can't say that I love it...but it's what I have. Oh well.

There is a song that I find myself singing all day every day. It is "Nothing I Hold On To" by Will Reagan and United Pursuit. I am obsessed. It is beautiful and so relevant to everything going on in my life.

It looks as if I'll be in either Macon or Cordele for the summer. Both being places I would have prayed desperately against going back to or living in awhile back. About two years ago while just telling God that I was open and ready to go wherever He wanted me, it hit me that it could possibly mean Cordele, GA (or any other small town for that matter...they all have the same effect on me). I started sobbing because I was ready for something big. something bold..not some country/ghetto small town with nothing to do. Then I realized that the boldest thing I could do was to obey God. Not to necessarily run off to some non-English speaking country and having to purify my drinking water because that was exactly what I was ready and willing to do. At that time I didn't really feel like God was telling me I would be going back to a small town, just that I needed to let go of anything that would cause me to run from Him telling me to do so if it came up. So I did. It took a lot of anxious prayers and long walks and trips back home, but I really found a place of peace with it.

The past year has been a lot of me praying about what is next. It seemed like I was for sure being led to World Race and that a path had been cleared for it to work out. Well, not so much. With the recent happenings of it not working out I've had some serious talks with God about why? and how? and basically just WHAT IS GOING ON?!?! A lot of what I've heard is just that yes, I'm so incredibly willing to go and serve people who are on the last rope of hope and life..but what about the comfortable, every day people that I work and live around? That I am related to? Where is my ministry in that? Am I still just as willing to further the kingdom if it doesn't involve my idea of adventure? Eh, well honestly I'm not as excited about it. But the truth is EVERYONE needs Jesus. Even the people who live right next door to me at this moment. Conviction.

there will be more to this thought process and of course always an update on what happens....just not right now.

2 Corinthians 4.16-18 amen.

Goodbye

Well, it's here. They are officially removing my blog. By "they" I mean the World Race staff. At some point in the future if this opportunity comes back around I'll have a new one...but this one will be gone and not accessible as of March 25.

I have never been good at saying goodbye to anything or anyone. I usually have distractions that make for easier transition or new situations...but the whole "Cold-turkey-the-end-done-all-at-one-time" thing...yeah, don't love it so much.

In this case, I don't have anything exciting to distract me from this actually coming to an official close. I guess the process started in January but this is definitely more official. They are closing my account as well so if you have donated expect to be contacted very soon!

I guess I just want to say thank you. Thank you for supporting me. For encouraging me. For being a blessing to me. For reading my sporadic thoughts.

This year is coming to a close (considering I'm still on the school calendar) and it has been nothing short of a ride. My internship at Wesley has 6 weeks left until it's over. My college career has 7 weeks until it's over. Both of these will be extremely difficult to let go but I know they have taught me well and I am nothing short of prepared for whatever is next....I simply have no idea what that is. But I know my God has not let me down yet and I trust that he is planning out something great. It's always an adventure and He is always with me.

If you want to keep up with my life I'll be using my old blog....so...yeah. The end!

http://eripeavy.blogspot.com/

Eric Thierman

Beard. 5'5. Skinny. Cowboy boots. Imitation Subway "One Way" Jesus hat. 65. No children. Wife (deceased) Deborah. From Wyoming. Grew up with Jesus. Loves Clint Eastwood. And Garth Brooks. And George Strait. And Tim McGraw. Favorite Food: Lasagna. Favorite Author: Louis L'Amour. Loves snow. Went to Vietnam. Got shot. Tried marijuana once there and said no thank you. Went sailing to the Bahamas and worked on a boat. Rodeo man. Saddle bronc riding. Smokes (but he knows it's bad for him). Writes in cursive. Says Yippee Yi Yo Cow Patty. Likes to do finger hugs (you know, like when you hook fingers).

Eric Thierman is lonely. He walks around dirty downtown Los Angeles all day trying to find work or money. He has no friends. He has no family. He lost the love of his life 5 years ago. His heart has been devastated since then. Deborah was his biggest fan. His best friend. She was his encourager the 38 years they were married and loved him more than anyone he has ever known.

Eric talked to me mostly about loss. About how is feels to loose someone. He has hope and purpose in Jesus but the one person he had to live this physical life with is gone. His sweet eyes and soft voice drew me to him the first night we were on skid row. He heard my name was Erica and said "Well how about that. Yippee Yi Yo Cow Patty." (that's just his thing he says...) He wouldn't talk much that night so I just kept cleaning up the street and smiled and told him there was free coffee if he needed it.

The next night we went back and he was not inside so I figured he probably was out among the masses on Skid Row in a sleeping bag or make-shift box/tent. I was in a small group picking up street trash and looked up to see Eric! He was so shocked and just smiled and said, "Well how about this." That started a night of talking. and talking. and more talking. He kept asking when I would be back..but we were leaving the next day and his little eyes just got so sad. It was all I could do to keep smiling and tell him about the great people who will still be around the area. He didn't seem to be encouraged by that at all...

When we got in the van to drive back to the center I just hit my breaking point. My heart hurt so much for this sweet man..all I could do was sob. To just leave him there, knowing how lonely and sad he was, didn't feel right. There was nothing I could do.

The next morning we had one more outreach project called "Adopt A Block". Groups are randomly assigned to neighborhoods to go help clean up/pass out food. Out of all of the groups there...WE GOT SKID ROW! I literally ran into the building to look for Eric and there I found my sweet old man sitting alone and eating a very gross lunch. His eyes lit up when he saw me. He got up and gave me his seat like the sweet gentleman that he is...even with his cane. We spent the morning listening to my ipod and singing together. I never knew why I felt the need to put country songs on my ipod because I do not listen to them...well now I know why. Eric LOVES country music and had the best time jamming out to Garth and Tim and George. I know I left him in good hands and he promised to write me letters (so long that I provide the stamps and paper and envelopes and probably pencils). I set up place for him to stay at a center so he won't be out on the streets at night anymore. His little body just doesn't need that. He knows he is loved by his God and now his Erica. That is all that I could ask for.

4.5 Hours 3/5/11

Another post so soon?? yes!

It's good. I promise.

So. Plane rides. For some reason God #1 blesses me--usually by freakishly always giving me a window seat absolutely every time I fly. #2 gives me something to process or think through and provides different ways for that happening.

Weeeeell. This time. I sit down at my window seat (pretty excited after finding my second 20 dollar bill in 2 days) and there is this little Asian lady sitting beside me and just some other woman beside her. I had ZERO plans of talking to them. I was in my zone. I had my ipod. I had my book. I had my journal.

About 2-ish hours into the flight I'm starting to get pretty emotional over recent happenings in my life. Just trying to process my feelings and just asking God to be with me the next 3 hours in a big way because we all know crying in public is just a bit awkward. Crying isn't my thing in general...but on a plane...with 3 hours left...strangers..no thanks.

I'm sitting there, music is playing, I'm kind of reading and all of a sudden this little Asian face comes into my peripheral sight quite abruptly and freaking scares the junk out of me. She was asking me if I wanted the 2nd half of her sandwich because I had not ordered anything and they were not serving snacks. I said no thank you (but that was so so sweet) and thought that was the end..but you know. God has plans.

Basically I start talking to 56 year old Peichun about my life plans (or not wanting to have plans right now) and job stuff. No big deal. Well then she starts to tell me that her son does a campus ministry at GA Tech and how she just LOVES that he is serving the Lord and growing. We have a connection immediately. I tell her about my job at Wesley and she is so excited that I'm a fellow believer and starts to tell me her story. She was married for 26 years and had very recently gone through a divorce. She tells me that in her culture, it was very common for parents to make their children, after meeting someone, take a year away from communicating. No nothing. They have to sit and wait and honor their parents and tradition. She only went through that process for 6months with her husband and rebelled against her mothers wishes to 1. marry him and 2. finish the next 6 months. She never felt like her marriage had been blessed. She told me that now she thinks 50 days is what couples should do. ha. of course Peichun. You would be the one sitting beside me on the plane.

She tells me that now she is dating this guy, but not really dating. She sees wonderful things in Him and wants a future with him but he still needs to be at home with his children and she is giving him that time. She is being self less and letting God bring them together at the right time because they just want to be extra sure that they should be together.

Peichun starts asking about my life....and, welll. let's just say I spill it. All of it. Peichun asks to pray for me and holding my hand on the Delta plane, that is what she did. I cried. Of course.....

Doesn't stop there though. The lady sitting beside Peichun kind of starts getting in on the conversation and it turns out she also loves the Lord a lot and we all just get excited. This is Jessica. She is from Holland but lives in San Francisco. You could say that Jessica is my older twin of personality. She lived so independently for so long--has to learn lessons the hard way--but she is willing to learn and sees the beauty in the process. She is recently married and tells me her story of waiting on the right guy. Her story was so encouraging to me because God literally had to scream at her, you cannot control who you end up with. They have to choose you back. I now tell her recently happenings of my life and she just smiles and says it's funny how when God needs you to learn a lesson it seems like chaos but comes out beautiful. She just encouraged me not to see anything as a mess I've made...and not to focus on my mistakes in this..but just to praise God in once again bringing me closer to Him with how I trust. He was always in this and always knew what I needed to learn in order to have another person in my life. Regardless if something is from Him, even after I get it, it still has to be 100% His. He still gets to decide what happens with it. Nooooot meeeeeee. Hard lesson for me. Jessica understands.

anyways--this 4.5 hours of my life was such a blessing. I cannot go into detail about everything we talked about because we all know it would take me 10 pages and no one would read my blogs anymore. So I hope this is sufficient detail for everyone to see how divinely orchestrated my life is..once again. Thank you God. really. thank you.

New Season...? 3/4/11

I'm kind of surprised I'm still given my blog for World Race. Everything else "internal" or "race people specific" I am not really allowed access to.



As some of you may know, I am no longer going on the July Race. I'll just say it. I don't really know why. I mean I do. But I have no idea what is going on. Everything was going great..my heart for the trip was stronger than ever, my community was responding to me financially and prayerfully and building me up with support...I was ready to go. All I asked for with Christmas presents were things relevant to my race trip.



In the efforts to defer my student loans (not through the government) I realized that I would end up paying an insane interest rate in coming back from the trip. It would put me in a place of pressure to immediately find a well-paying job when I finished the race. After talking to my parents, we all agreed that the most responsible thing for me to do, however hard and heart-breaking, was to grow up a little more and face my debt. It was my choice to go to Texas--a school so so so worth it-- but I went there knowing I was on my own and I would one day take responsibility for the financial cost of my time there. Weeeeeeeell. That time has come. The next year will be filled with work and lots of saving money with the hopes of reapplying to World Race in the future.



If you know me, ( which maybe you do? maybe you don't?) you will know that one of my major strengths that also acts on occasion as a weakness is "activator". It basically means, I don't like to wait. I like to get things going. I like to start things. I do not sit on something well. It's great for group projects and communication. Terrible when I have absolutely NO other choice but to wait and sit.



It's funny because this is exactly something that has happened in another area of my life. I was asked to wait and sit. I literally couldn't. It felt like everything in me physically could not do it. All I saw were two dreams, big big dreams, literally get taken out of my life. But it's also not correct to say out of my life--they got...put on hold?...indefinitely? Maybe that's better terminology. Not really sure. But hopefully you can follow.



If you read my blog titled "Dreams" you realize that God asked me to dream big. He really did. Over. And Over. And Over. Until I literally one day in the prayer chapel just said out loud, " OK, GOD. I GET IT. I WILL DREAM NOW." and oh, did I. And oh, how those dreams were given to me. in abundance. a fulfillment. it was beautiful. and now, oh how those dreams are so so so not how I thought they would look 4 months later. Both on hold? or not available to me.



A girl on staff where I work asked to pray for me.(knowing absolutely nothing about my life other than I seemed "a little off". After doing so, she described this image that she had seen to me----It was a window. This window she said seemed to represent dreams that I had. The window looked like a baseball had been thrown into it, but did not shatter completely. It had created these cracks all throughout the glass. She said she wanted to encourage me not to give up on whatever these dreams were in my life, because they always were, and still are from God. But that I should both watch and let Him in to redeem them. Maybe they won't look like I thought they would, but they will look like He wants them to.--



This was so encouraging because I literally keep praying, God, I acted out of prayer. I did not enter into any of these "dreams" without serious "I will not do this unless it's ok" kind of prayer. Having no desire to make something happen on my own, or just start things in the wrong timing, or with the wrong person, or organization. Putting that much prayer into something, hearing God say "Yes" and now having it gone is really just..confusing. I've never had this happen before. All I can do is say..it was Yours from the start. It's still yours. Regardless of my weaknesses. All I can do is let Him in.

9.5 hours 12/30/2010

--just like I have the desire to be invested in, so does God. I have this desire because I was made in his image. I "genetically" received this longing because he is made of it as well and I am his daughter.

--tithing----expression of loyalty and faith in God

--let us receive His anger as a means of spurring us into action. God's anger may startle us, but his indifference would devastate us.

--God commanded people to both work AND rest. be good stewards of our time.

--priority of a "Praise and Worship" lifestyle. an ongoing act of humility before the throne.

--all believing life begins and grows with prayer. look at it as a privilege.

--Rest in the fact that God is.

--Receive God as the Lord who heals.

--Rely upon Him..surrender it all.

--Pursue God.

...then. I landed in Honolulu.